Bitterness is like termites.
The termites munch and munch at the wood of your home, which in context, is your relationship.
They start at the foundation and work themselves inward until there are holes in everything.
That’s how bitterness maneuvers.
It starts at the surface, and as it continues to grow, it begins to diminish and deteriorate your heart.
Wanna learn how to remove bitterness?
Ya'Seen and I communicated differently, but we really didn't see the effects it had on our relationship until a year in.
And this difference in communication put a major strain on our relationship.
I was the type to articulate myself and wanted to resolve problems right then and there.
On the other hand, Ya’Seen was the type to shut down and retreat.
I HATED the way he communicated and I began to resent him and bitterness began to grow in my heart.
Mainly because I didn't know how to communicate with him.
My ignorance caused me to blame him for our continued marital issues.
I was so frustrated with the fact that he didn’t communicate the same way that I did.
Like how dare you?
He was supposed to talk to me, not shut me out.
He was supposed to help us come to a resolution on our problems, not give me the silent treatment.
I was disheartened and upset at the fact that he didn’t want to fix our issues.
At least that’s what I thought due to his actions.
He continued to let me down.
He continued to shut me out.
He continued to run away from our problems at the very moment that I thought we should’ve been resolving them.
My bitterness began to turn into anger.
The anger hardened my heart.
My hardened heart led to disrespect.
I was completely and utterly disrespectful and just plain nasty towards him.
And because of my disrespect, we argued, and there was all of this tension in the house because of my bitterness.
The tension was so thick at times, you could cut it with a butter knife, as they say.
I was never the type of person that liked drama and arguing.
But it seemed to follow us everywhere.
After about a few months of this, I was tired.
I was tried of the arguing and I needed some peace.
The answers to fix the bitterness are easy, but the overcoming can be sometimes challenging.
So how did I fix it?
1. Recognize the bitterness
I had to actually realize that there was bitterness in my heart.
They say that the first step to recovery is admitting.
I realized that my words and my nasty tone was getting nowhere with my husband.
It was pushing him away every single time I opened my mouth.
2. Realize that I am not perfect
I hate to break it to you, sis.
But, you are not perfect.
We are not perfect.
None of us are.
I had to realize that the bitterness in my heart was created by a man.
A human being.
A man that makes mistakes and isn't perfect just like me.
Just as much as I point the finger on Ya’Seen, he can point it right back at me with no hesitation because I mess up, too!
I cant focus on the splinter in his eye and not resolve the beam in mine.
Sometimes we forget and we expect our husbands to be perfect.
When they are imperfect individuals just like ourselves.
Once we understand that our men are human like us, it should be easier to extend grace and mercy to them when they make mistakes.
3. Accept who my husband is now
I had to accept that this was the way he communicated.
I had to take a step back and just let him cool down and not force him to solve issues down his throat.
But wait until he is ready to talk.
And ironically, I began to become bitter at the fact that I was always the one that had to wait around until he was ready to talk.
So that was a whole thing.
And that brings me to my fourth point...
4. Change your mindset.
Sometimes you are going to have to be the bigger person.
There are going to be times when you don’t get your way, but that is when you depend on God to help you through the tough times when you want to act out and blow a fuse.
At the end of the day, it is your choice to overcome your bitterness.
It's your choice to change your mindset which in turns changes your actions.
The information is easy, the application can be challenging, but its doable.
Choose ye this day, sis.
Bitterness or no bitterness?
If you are feeling like you need a bitterness check, ask yourself these four questions:
Are you constantly disappointed in him?
Frustrated with him?
Cold and closed off towards him?
Short, snappy, and nasty?
Then I suggest you try the 30 Day Hit the Spot Challenge.
Get the free checklist here.