Updated: Jun 30, 2020
Started from the bottom, now we here!
5 years isn't a long time, but it is.
If that makes sense.
I've always wanted to say "married for 5 blissful years," but I would be lying to myself.
Ya'Seen and I have our good days and bad days, but there is no one else I would do life with than him.
On April 4th, the same wedding date as Beyonce and Jay-Z, we will be celebrating 5 years of marriage.
We've been together for 8 and married for 5.
Each year I learn something new and I want to share them with you.
Communication Is Key
One of the first lessons that I learned in my first year of marriage was that Ya'Seen and I communicate differently.
I grew up in a home where I was able to express myself and was able to talk out my issues and problems.
My husband, not so much.
He was forced to keep his feelings and emotions inside and stay in a child's place.
Communication was one of the hardest things for us to accomplish.
We were literally 2 months in to being married, and all we did was fight and argue or give silent treatments.
After 2 months of fighting, I was tired.
I started to give him space whenever we had an argument instead of trying to force him to talk to me and simply just wait until we could have a civil conversation that would lead to results.
We have less arguments now because we communicate in a way that allows us to understand each other.
My Husband NEEDS Sex
Yup. I said it.
He NEEDS it.
Sex is not just a want for men, it is a biological needs.
It took me a little while to understand this because I grew up in the church and how to have a healthy sexual marriage was never discussed.
I would rarely initiate and I wasn't in tune with his needs.
And don't get me started on sexual relations after having babies back to back.
My body didn't understand sex or orgasms.
That was a whole ordeal.
But what really changed was me realizing that this was the way God made my husband.
My husband needs and wants sex from me, so hey, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
I Can't Change My Husband, Only God Can
There were so many things that I wanted to change about him and I even had the audacity to try and do it
I tried different tactics to try and manipulate him into changing, but they just didn't work.
I would have anxiety attacks just based off the actions of my husbands actions.
I was fighting him, myself, and God.
I finally surrendered my husband and my marriage over to the Lord.
When I did that, that's when things began to change in my husband.
The exact things that I was trying to force out of my husband were naturally happening.
I stopped nagging.
I stopped manipulating.
I would mention, discuss, communicate my concerns with my husband, and then leave it the hands of God.
I no longer stressed about it.
My husband was aware and God was aware and I knew it was going to be taken care of.
Put God First
This goes along with my last point.
When I realized how much of an effect my prayer, praise, and worship had on my marriage, I did those things first before going to my husband.
I can honestly say that the only way that we were able to stay married for 5 years is because we kept God first in our marriage.
We had to stop leaning to our own understanding and trust God in the process.
Understanding how powerful a three strand cord can be was the changing point in my marriage,
Now, I can never go a day without acknowledging how good God is and trusting him as we continue in the next 5, 10, 15, 20 years of marriage.
I Need Him As Much As He Needs Me
With me being such a strong woman, I always felt like I had to be Super Woman.
Being a career woman, wife, mom, praise and worship leader, and aspiring entrepreneur, I had so much on my plate.
From being the back bone of my family to paying bills, stress was weighing on me and I began to break down.
My husband recognized how life was having an effect on me and immediately pitched in.
He listened to me, put in extra effort around the house to lessen the load, and most importantly prayed for me.
I realized that after all of these years, I was trying to be the strong one for him, but once I allowed myself to be vulnerable and gave him the room to be my rock, he did.
It was such a great feeling to be reminded that this marriage thing wasn't just me, but its the partnership of two people that share the load.
So there we have it!
5 things I've learned in my 5 years of marriage.
Check out my more of marriage story, here.