Updated: Jun 30, 2020
“Be with someone that’s good for your mental health. Someone who brings you inner peace. Someone who challenges your bad habits, but supports your process of change.” - Idil Ahmed
I’ve made so many mistakes in my marriage, but I thank God for grace.
I thank God for the lessons that I’ve learned and that I am able to put the knowledge that I have learned into practice.
And as an expert, teacher, coach, and advisor I deem it necessary to share with other women how to create peaceful and loving relationships and marriages.
Like I said, I have made many mistakes in my marriage.
I have been suspicious, dependent, too independent, just to name a few.
But what has allowed me to turn from this debilitating habit has been me being self-aware.
Self aware of my motives, my whys; and that is what allows me to be a G-Spot Wife.
I reflect, and to be honest, being honest with my self is more valuable than being perfect.
Relationships, and especially marriages are not always easy.
They require compromise and they mirror all the things that we feel about ourselves.
You know what I mean...
If you had a bad day at work, everything seems to be his fault.
When you’re not happy with yourself, you start thinking about all things that he does wrong.
So instead of coming at him with all the “rah, rah, rah,” I want you to evaluate yourself in order to be his peace.
Your man goes out into the world and fights, don’t let him come home and have to fight you too.
We can eliminate all of that hell raising by making sure that we are in a peaceful posture.
Like I said earlier, I used to be very suspicious.
I have a wandering mind at times.
I have to know “why” to everything.
In my mind, there has to be a reason why you said what you said or did what you did.
That’s called projecting.
Projecting means that you are denying your own habits and traits and then attaching them to other people.
It’s basically a defense mechanism that allows you to negate any acknowledgement of your own weaknesses.
This can cause major problems in relationships.
I talk about my own insecurities and how I had to stop projecting them in my marriage.
You can read about it here.
Again, projecting all dwindles back down to being self-aware.
Acknowledging my flaws, insecurities and bad habits is not my idea of a good time.
But if you don’t get a handle on it, you’ll continue in this vicious cycle and continue to hurt your relationship.
The next time you find yourself thinking negative about your man, ask yourself if this is about you or them.
It might be all them, but if it is you, acknowledging it can help cultivate peace in your marriage.
Choose Your Battles Wisely
Like do we have to make everything a fight?
Has your man ever commented on something that you did, and then you started to snap on him?
Has he ever given you a compliment and it started an argument?
I’ve been there also.
A lot of what brings peace in our relationships is communication and again, acknowledgement.
We have to be able to deal with what’s bothering us and work on our communication skills.
And on the flip side, stop allowing everything to bother you!
Yes, it's important to communicate things that you are concerned about, but if you’re not sure if you should say anything, ask yourself these questions first:
Is this something that happens often and leaves me feeling horrible?
Does this really carry any weight in the bigger picture?
Am I able to empathize with his feelings rather than focus on my insecurity?
When you ask yourself these questions and get the true answers, you’ll know when and when not to speak in order to continue to be his peace.
Think Before Action
This is the one that I really had to practice and get guidance from the Holy Spirit.
Every single time I felt hurt, unappreciated, or not heard, I had to say something about it.
And there are cases where you should, however, refer back to tip #2 if you’re still unsure.
I came to realize that my first reaction is not always how I felt about the situation.
And once I was able to evaluate my emotions, go in prayer about it, I was able to see that sometimes I overreact.
Whenever you feel a strong emotion, I want you to wait before you say anything or do anything.
Take a moment, observe and acknowledge your feelings.
Then take it to God in prayer and get guidance from the Holy Spirit on how you should go about it.
It might seem trivial, but when you go to God first, you are able to minimize the negativity that you would create if you were to just act.
Sis, no man wants to come home and fight his wife after fighting the world.
Filter your emotions, thoughts and actions through God first, and be his peace.
I highly suggest you check out the FREE Proverbs 31 Woman Devotional and Bible Study that I have.
It’s going to help guide you in making sure that you become his peace daily.
Click here to get it today.