Updated: Jun 30, 2020
Godly women all around the world from one time or another have questioned their sexiness.
Even with being rooted in Christ and knowing who they are, I believe that we have all straddled the fence on where do we fit in as far as our own sexiness spectrum.
With the strict rules of the church to the IG models that pop up on our feed; we're all trying to find our place and how it applies to us and our walk with God, our husbands, and our marriages.
In my twenties, you could always find me in the club: short tight dress, high heels, or something of that sort.
There was no conviction; you couldn't tell me nothing.
Once I became a mom at twenty-two, I dialed it down a little.
But once I snapped back, I wasn't clubbing as much, but my everyday style was not constrained or tamed.
Now don't get me wrong, I was classy and had taste, but I wore what I wanted to wear, and eventually it trickled over into my Sunday clothes.
I shared in one my IG posts that my dresses on Sunday mornings were sometimes short and tight, on top of that I was on the praise and worship team and the choir director.
So I was front and center on any given Sunday.
I would have the mothers of the church come to me and say that my dress needed to be a little longer and what not.
I would nod and sometimes consider it, but most times, not.
I even had one mother of the church say to me that I shouldn't let anybody try to dress me down.
That was the ammunition that I needed to continue to dress the way I wanted and have no conviction.
My fiancé at the time never said anything to me, so why should I change, right?
As I grew up in Christ, got married, and had two more babies, my body changed even more and more so, my heart.
Having children back to back, literally 15 months apart, took a toll on me.
I wanted to dress sexy, but my self-esteem wouldn't allow me to.
And to think about it, it wasn't just my self-esteemed that caused me to change my choice in clothing, I started growing up in Christ.
I would begin to ask God in the morning what should I wear that day and he would guide me, so then I would feel no conviction because he told me exactly what I should wear.
It was a no brainer.
As I moved to being a praise and worship leader, God began to deal with me even more with my clothing choices.
I began to realize that somethings that I could wear on a regular day, I couldn't wear on a Sunday morning due to the fact that it was sheer or it would rise when I would praise the Lord.
I began to be more conscious of my fashion choices because I never want to be a distraction from God and what he wants to do in the atmosphere.
So I went from not caring about distractions as long as I didn't feel any type of way to being extremely cautious, but I realized that I didn't have a balance.
I still wanted to dress sexy for my husband, and I had lost that.
I would shop online and think to myself that I would love to buy these outfits, but I'm supposed to be a godly woman; I can't buy that.
But then I remembered that controversial story about Erica Campbell and the white dress.
Ya'll remember this?
The Christian community dragged her!
I thought she looked great!
And I think she hit the nail on the head when she said that there needs to be a broader dialog within the church about being godly and sexual.
So here I am with it.
For me, if I want to dress sexy, then I will dress sexy with and for my husband.
If we were going out on a date, trip, etc., I will dress sexy for him.
And he has even agreed with me; I can wear certain things with him that he wouldn't approve if he wasn't in my company.
And we have come to that agreement and I respect his wishes.
Each relationship and marriage is different, and each person has their own convictions.
I am not going to tell you what is wrong and right.
However, I will say for you to go to God and ask the Holy Spirit for guidance on wear you should be on this spectrum of sexiness and your godly walk with Christ.
And I am going to leave you with this:
Your adornment must not be merely external—with interweaving and elaborate knotting of the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or [being superficially preoccupied with] dressing in expensive clothes; but let it be [the inner beauty of] the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, [one that is calm and self-controlled, not overanxious, but serene and spiritually mature] which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands and adapting themselves to them; - 1 Peter 3:3-5
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