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Can Love Languages Change?

Updated: Jun 30, 2020

Studies says that love in relationships go through stages.

The three stages are: lust or erotic passion/infatuation, attraction or romantic passion, and attachment, or commitment.

With that being said, let’s look into if our love languages change within our relationships.

As we have discussed before, Dr. Gary Chapman has developed the five love languages.

We all have one.

You can get 150 love language ideas here and get take the quiz.

We also discussed the love language of God.

We saw that God receives love from all five.

You can read up on that here.

We also know that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

But can we say the same about ourselves?

Do our love languages stay consistent within relationships?

We’re going to use my marriage as a case study.

Awwww man.

Here we go!

So prior to marriage, I knew nothing about love languages.

But an associate of mine introduced me to the idea of it.

I was intrigued and I took the quiz by myself. Here are my results:

So as you can see, my primary love language is Words of Affirmation, which is surprising to me.

So that means that I love it when my husband tells me how much he loves me and WHY.

Why is such a big word for me.

I don’t just want to know that you love me.

I already know that, but I want to …nah, I need to hear you tell me.

Quality is pretty high on my list as well.

I’m the type of person that I don’t even have to go anywhere with you, I just want to be with you.

That’s it.

So lets look at Ya’Seen’s results.

Alrighty then.

Ya’seen’s primary love language was Words of Affirmation as well.

Twins! lol

I feel like most men have this high on their list because men like to be praised.

Ya’Seen is the type that likes to hear how well he is doing.

Knowing this about him was so powerful for me because I used to shower him with gifts or would want to have make out sessions.

But this isn’t the way that he received love.

I loved him the way I wanted to be loved.

Once I knew what his love language was, I began to pour my love on him through my words via encouraging and being his hype man.

Fast forward to 2019.

It was time to do an inventory check.

I decided that we needed to take the quiz again.

Just to see of anything that had changed.

Like I said, love goes through stages.

And I always want to be on the cutting edge of my marriage.

I always want to know what is going on and want to know if we need a tune up.

So we retook the quiz and here are our results:

So let’s dissect this.

Let’s start with mine.

As you can see, my love language has changed from Words of Affirmation to Acts of Service.

Now let me give a synopsis of why this has occurred.

I am currently in a season in my marriage where words are no longer enough.

In the beginning, I loved to hear how much he loved me and why.

And it was music to my ears, however, the place I’m at now, I need action behind those words.

Hence, Acts of Service.

Now let’s look at Ya’Seen’s updated love language.

His has stayed the same, however, the points are higher.

Before it was only 8, now it’s 11.

So I believe that there is a reason for this.

He understands the season that we are in our relationship and needs even MORE encouragement to help him be successful because that’s how he knows he is going in the right direction.

He needs that extra push right now and I’m willing to give it to him.

So what’s the answer?

Do love languages change or not?

I think they do.

Depending on what that person is needing or lacking in their relationship it will change.

Drop a comment below if you agree or disagree.

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