Updated: Jun 30, 2020
If you've been with your man, it's safe to say that you feel like you know him.
Like know him, know him.
You probably could say that you know how he would react in certain situations whether good or bad.
Most times, acting as if you can assume your husband's responses to questions or which way he is going to drive in order to go home is amusing.
But when you start assuming negative motives and intent about your hubby, it can be detrimental to your relationship.
Once you start allowing these negative thoughts to bum rush your mind, it can be the beginning of a downward spiral that can lead to disconnect and distance that takes even more work to get back from.
Instead of going down the rabbit hole, change your thoughts and believe that your husband has good intentions.
I'm pretty sure that we can all think of a time when we made an assumption and didn't give our men the benefit of the doubt.
We conjured up all the receipts and made sure we had a closing argument.
We got ourselves all worked up; wanted to cuss him out, yell, and scream.
And then he gives you the Kevin Hart face and says, “Are you done yet?"
And proves us wrong and we’re all embarrassed because we were acting crazy lol
And now we wants some love.
Been there, done that!
Giving him the benefit of the doubt negates negative thoughts and situations like this.
It promotes positivity and patience in your relationship.
It also avoids your man from always being on the defensive mode because you won’t always be on the offensive mode with your accusations and assumptions.
Now let’s say your negative assumption is based off of previous behavior.
So now, you think he is always going to go back to that behavior.
Cool. I got it.
But what that does is show your husband that he doesn’t have room to improve.
It tells him that you don’t believe that he will ever change and that’s the last thing we want to do.
Believing in him and trusting him fosters a healthy, open, and intimate relationship.
And I’m pretty sure we all want that.
Now how do we stop these negative thoughts?
I’m glad you asked.
Let’s do some role play.
No, you don’t have to go in your closet and get your school girl outfit.
Use that for later tonight lol
Okay. Let’s focus.
Say you’re running late for date night.
You had to stay late at work, your phone died, and you just hit traffic.
You get to the restaurant and he gives you the cold shoulder.
You try to explain to him what happened, but he ain't trying to hear it!
And now date night is ruined.
Now, how would that make you feel?
Doesn’t feel good does it?
I want to you take on this idea: be curious, not furious.
When something upsets you and you don’t understand what is going on, seek to understand the reasons why something happened, and not try to conjure up the reasons in your head.
That’s where we get in trouble.
That situation could’ve gone totally different if your husband had just asked why you were late rather than assuming and being angry.
So do this instead: Assume the best and that he has good intentions.
And when you start having that stinkin’ thinkin’ try these instead:
Mediate on the Word of God
Read a book
Listen to worship music
Get to a point where you can talk to him about the FACTS rather than the made up FICTION in your head.
If you need more tips, check out my IGTV episode on how changing your words and tone when being curious and not furious can help foster positivity and patience.