He Has A Wife & A Girlfriend?

Updated: Jun 30, 2020

Not too long ago, there was some buzz going around about a woman named B. Smith who is a former model and restaurateur.


Her husband Dan Gasby came out that he now has a girlfriend due to B. Smith’s illness.


Is he in the wrong or doing what’s best for him and his marriage?



This story first caught my attention in a private marriage Facebook group that I am in.


I had read the article and it immediately struck a chord with me.


I wasn’t sure what type of chord it stuck, but I knew my spidey senses were tingling.


I always try to have open and liberal views on various topics, and have a growth mindset.


I never want to diminish another person’s views just because they are different than mine.


If you don’t know, B. Smith was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease in 2013.


It was recently revealed that her husband, Gasby is in a relationship with another woman, named Alex Lerner, while still married to his wife.


He states that the disease has brought about much pain and that he loves his wife, but he refuses to let her take his life away.


He continues to take care of B. Smith in parallel with his relationship with Lerner.


Now that you have some background knowledge, let’s look at this a little deeper.


I commend him for caring for his wife in such a loving way, especially during those times where she is not herself, she doesn’t recognize him, or she is having seizures.


I can only imagine what he is going through and I pray I never have to find out.


So let’s see how this lines up with covenant vows.


If they used traditional vows that state “in sickness and in health,” he is definitely holding up his end of the bargain for sure.


But what about “for better or worse,” “in good times or bad,” or “ forsaking all others until death do us part?”


Do these vows become null and void now?


Of course not!


Just because he is dealing with one part of the vows that has become challenging in his marriage, doesn’t mean that he can dismiss the other promises that he made to his wife on their wedding day.


We can’t just uphold or forget parts of our promises because it makes our lives better at that specific time.


Grant it, B. Smith has no idea who her husband is or even who Lerner is and is living with them, which kinda rubs me the wrong way even more.


Say for instance, a husband lost his job and he and his wife became homeless.


Does this mean that she can go out and cheat on him?


No!


If a wife becomes paralyzed, does that mean the man can go and find him a mistress?


No!


Just because some things are not perfect doesn’t mean that you turn your back on your spouse and violate your vows.


Gasby states that he won’t allow the disease to take his life.


Sounds like he is trying to justify his selfishness.


Besides scripture says,

...each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. 1 Corinthians 7:2

I didn’t read where it said that if your spouse forgets you that you can have a girlfriend.


I’m sorry.


It’s just not there.


If you don’t know this by now, marriage is a ministry.


It’s about serving.


Marriage is to bring glory to God and having a girlfriend and a wife doesn’t do that.


At the end of the day, vows are promises; covenants between man, woman, and most importantly, God, that are to be kept until one of you is six feet under.


Period.

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