Idolatry? Who thinks about idolatry in marriage?
Not I said that cat.
But in all actually, that is exactly what happened in my marriage.
I turned my husband into my god.
I expected my husband to operate like one.
Kinda like a genie.
In my mind, he was supposed to do everything for me.
And a snap of my fingers, all of my problems would go away because he would fix it for me.
How a poor of a god he turned out to be lol
We always hear that saying, “Happy Wife, Happy Life.”
In society, we expect our husbands to make us happy.
And they should, shouldn’t they?
Of course! And vice verse, might I add.
However, they should be making us happy because they want to, not out of obligation.
They shouldn’t be responsible for our happiness.
That should come from within us and from God.
I was victim of this belief at one point in time.
I thought it was my husband’s duty to make me happy.
To always make sure that I had a smile on my face. And if I didn’t have a smile, he had to find a way to get one on there.
And it’s not like Ya’Seen didn’t want to make me happy.
He loves me and always does whatever he can to do so.
But when it turned out that I was requiring him to take on the responsibility of making me happy all of the time and fix my problems, that’s when it became an issue.
It was no longer a pleasurable time for him; it was a chore, a pastime.
I don’t know any wife that wants to be a chore to their husband.
A situation arose when this whole ideology of “Happy wife, Happy Life” crap really hit me in the face.
I was having a bad day at work and I came home all cranky and pouty.
And I was expecting some love and affection, and I wasn’t getting it.
And I flipped out.
I started yelling at Ya’Seen and began to cry.
I told him that all I wanted was a hug and for him to kiss me and wipe my tears.
Was that too much for me to ask?
I guess Ya’Seen wasn’t in the mood for me today lol
So do you know what this man did?
He told me that I had to encourage myself.
Simple as that.
He told me that he wasn’t going to join me in the pity party that I was having and my tears did not move him.
If you could only see my face.
I was livid.
I stomped up the stairs and slammed the door I started pacing back and forth in our bedroom thinking of other things that I could say to him in order to get my point across and to show him how inconsiderate he was acting towards me and how he didn’t care about my feelings.
And then you know what happened?
God checked me.
With the quickness.
God started to speak to me about my position in this situation and bring back the words that my husband was actually telling me.
He replayed them in my mind.
During this time of reflection, God revealed to me that it can be a lot of pressure on a man when he feels like the weight of your happiness is on his shoulders.
That’s a lot.
I stopped pacing.
And I continued to reflect.
Maybe my husband was right. Maybe I did need to encourage myself first.
I realized that there are going to be times when my husband is going to be unavailable for whatever reason to cheer me up.
So does that mean that I continue my pity party until he is available?
Uhhhh no! I learn how to encourage my self in the Lord.
I grab ahold of some scriptures that pertain to my situation, I get a song on my lips, and I look to God to fulfill any unhappy voids in my life.
This moment early on our marriage also shone some light on me as a person.
It dawned on me that I wasn’t all the way whole. I wasn’t all the way complete.
I expected Ya’Seen to complete, but I should’ve already been complete, and Ya’Seen was there to compliment me.
Unfortunately, I didn’t walk into my marriage whole, but when this situation happened, a shift also occurred in my own mind.
I recognized that I had to become whole in God.
That’s where my complete wholeness comes from.
I depended on God to make me whole and to keep me that way, and I still do.
Because whenever I do need encouragement, if my husband is ever unavailable to uplift my spirit, it doesn’t phase me because I know who I am Christ and I can encourage myself in the Lord like David did through Psalms.
You may be in a state in your marriage where your husband isn’t fulfilling your emotional needs.
You continue to feel that void day after day even after your husband tries his every best to put on a smile on your face.
Or maybe your husband has finally thrown in the towel with trying to make your happy because he is unable to fulfill your needs just like my husband.
I encourage you to take a good look at yourself and ask God to fulfill those voids.
Ask Him to make you complete and whole.
Find scriptures to encourage yourself in the Lord.
When you walk in the plentitude of who you are in Christ, you are able to love your husband wholly and your husband is able to reciprocate the love that you desire without hesitation.
Become whole in Christ, sis.