Updated: Jun 30, 2020
We all know those moments.
You're in the middle of a heated argument and you just don't know when to stop.
You keep making insults and jabs with your words.
And then you stop and walk away, but come back because you thought of something better.
If you're anything like me, it can be hard to resist to saying a smart remark or making sure that you have the last word.
Even after all the meditating, self talk, goal setting, we still find a way to keep pushing his buttons.
I mean Paul said it best.
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. Romans 8:15-20
For some reason we can't stop, or we won't.
We know that saying that smart little comment will just add fuel to the fire.
We know we should be quiet, but we just keep on talking.
Before you go out and go through some extreme measures like buying some duct tape or making a vow of silence, let me just tell you that shutting up takes practice.
It's Simple Physics
I remember in my sophomore year in high school during Physics class that once an object is in motion that it continues.
So once you start arguing, sometimes it's hard to stop.
It takes a lot of strength to end a disagreement as much as it is to have restraint in having the last word.
Once you stop speaking, the fire to the fuel decreases.
Pump & Dump
If you have ever nursed a baby, then you have heard of the infamous phrase, "pump and dump."
Now let me tie this in.
When I would originally argue with Ya'Seen I would call him nonstop; back to back.
He would eventually block me.
I would send dissertations via text thinking that this would get my point across.
I would even chase him around the neighborhood in my car.
Thank God for deliverance lol
What I realized that saying what I needed to say over and over through different avenues was not getting me the results I wanted which was for us to talk out our issues and move on.
So I changed my approach.
Every time we get in an argument and Ya'Seen leaves, I text him or do a voice text once and leave it alone.
It allows me to get everything I need off my chest.
I've released it into the atmosphere; I know longer have to harbor onto my feelings, and Ya'Seen will read it and respond once he has calmed down.
So if you feel like he isn't listening and repeating and raising your voice isn't working, try this instead.
Pump and dump: Say it only once.
Silence Speaks Volumes
Being quiet doesn't mean that you are agreeing with what he is saying.
Everything that your husband says doesn't not require a response from you.
I came across this meme not too long ago.
Man, oh, man. I wish I had this! lol
But let me flip this.
When he says something nasty, he makes an insult, or a low jab, don't respond.
In this instance, I am giving you permission NOT to answer all parts of the paragraph.
Don't do it , sis.
At the end of the day, it takes courage, self-control(apart of the fruit of the spirit, I might add), and discipline to know when to shut up.
Restraint is a sign of power.
Use the right to remain silent when it matters and can prevent growing conflicts.
That's the most powerful and wise thing you can do.