The #1 Way to Trust Your Man Again

I was insecure and I didn’t trust him.

I sabotaged my relationship and my marriage with manipulation and controlling tactics for too long and I was ready for a change.

Instead of trying to control my man, I learned self-control in trusting God.

Last week, I talked about my struggles with insecurity.

You can catch up on that read here.

Along with struggling with insecurity, I also didn’t trust my husband.

I was always thinking the worst of him.

I questioned where he would go, snoop through his phone, and periodically ask him if he was cheating on me.

It was horrible.

I was literally creating a living hell for my husband.

What man wants to come home to a wife that is always asking third degree questions?

None that I know of.

I’ve always heard people say that I needed to be his peace.

I tried so hard, but my mind always would get the best of me and then my thoughts would become words and actions.

My former pastor preached though a sermon that stuck with me.

He taught that we shouldn’t have expectations of people because people will always disappoint us.

It was a teaching that I had to dig my heels into if my marriage was going to last.

I began to stop having expectations of my husband.

I began to read different blogs in order to help teach me how to stop expecting Ya’Seen to do right, but trust God.

I’m going to share some quotes with you that really helped me in this season.

“This is where a wife must face her deepest fears: what if he really doesn’t love me and never talks to me, touches me, emails me or even stays in the same room with me again? If I don’t constantly tell him what I need and want, how will he know what I want? He doesn’t really care about making me happy at all – now my backing away is just going to prove how unloving he is. I have to give up on my dream marriage if I don’t try to make it work right, I may lose everything that matters of me if I stop trying to control things.” - PeacefulWife.com

These were my exact thoughts.

These were my deepest fears in my marriage.

I was constantly thinking about these things and getting nowhere with my manipulating tactics and controlling actions.

It all came down to “weighing those fears with the peace of releasing my husband and having an open heart to accepting whatever God’s will is vs. keeping those fears and tying desperately but ineffectively to prevent them. Not too much of a question, is it?” - Peacefulwife.com

I had to decide if I was going to give my marriage over to God or try to continue to lean to my own understanding and get no where.

I had to come to the acceptance that whatever happens in my marriage, even my darkest fears, that I was going to trust Him and keep my expectations of Him.

That took work and it took intention.

So what did I do? I stopped snooping (which was big for me lol) and recognized even the bad situations that would arise in my relationship; I was going to put them in God’s hand.

And do you know what the result of my lack of expectations was?

Peace.

Peace that passes all understanding.

So even when I didn’t understand why Ya’Seen was doing what he was doing, I still had peace.

Peace that God was going to work it out.

Peace that God wasn’t going to hurt me.

Peace that my marriage was going to last.

In addition to trusting God with my relationship, knowing why I didn’t trust Ya’Seen helped me to heal and grow from the place of insecurity.

I was able to identify my reason for distrust and insecurity even the more from a video by Derrick Jazn.

Jaxn says, “A lot times when a woman doesn’t want a good man, the trust is she does, but she doesn’t want a good man as much as she wants her suspicions validated that all men are bad, all men are out to hurt her validated. That’s a result of damage that never got addressed from something she’d been through in the past, a past relationship. Because now she has a protective mechanism, and a toxic one at that, of distrust anytime she feels herself getting vulnerable with a man. Like anytime a guy comes and he shows good character, he shows maturity, he shows that he can be loyal, great personality, all of that stuff, it brings her to an unsafe place of being reminded that she still capable of loving and now that she started to associate the feeling of loving somebody with being burned because she never addressed that issue; she never healed. She pushes them away by self-sabotaging the situation. But now she doesn’t have the gold there. Even though its hard to believe that, but it’s easier to push someone good away than to fix the part within you that avoids you to opening up to something good whenever it comes your way.”

This description was me!

Somebody was able to effectively articulate why I was the way I was.

I absolutely was self sabotaging because of my past hurt and infidelity.

I had to realize that it’s ok to be in a healthy relationship!

Not every man is out to cheat on me.

And I believe that there are other women like this.

And I can’t stress this enough, heal before you get in a relationship.

If you don’t, you will start sabotaging just like I did.

Check out my blog post on how to allow God to heal your heart when you’ve been hurt in your past.

And I can’t stress this enough, sis, HEAL!