Updated: Jun 30, 2020
As a wife, there were times early on in my marriage where I felt like I wasn't worth Ya'Seen's love.
Now let me explain and give you some backdrop.
When Ya'Seen decided we were going to try and give our love a try, we were both in high school, and he was in relationship.
We secretly texted each other love messages.
But once the cat was out of the bag, he denied me.
And that kind of scarred me.
I was so in love with this man, I mean boy, and you're going to deny everything you just said to me.
I was too hurt.
So, when we decided to try again back in 2012, I was in shock.
Not so much skeptical, but I was in disbelief.
I would randomly say, "Is this really real?"
I think I might have said that line at least 50 times a month.
The initial shock dissipated a few months into our dating relationship, but the scar was still there and followed me into our marriage.
Even after we said "I do," I still needed some reassurance from time to time.
I went from "Is this really real?" to "Do you love me?" at least 3 times a week.
Now it wasn't all so bad.
There were times where I would have us reminisce on our high school days and early twenties to hear his version because I needed to hear it from him.
I've even cried multiple times after intimate love sessions because in my mind a dream had come true.
It was really real.
But I still doubted it.
He left me before for a beautiful, tall, brown skin goddess and I am 5'2", thick, and light skin.
The total opposite of what I thought he liked.
But time and time again, he reassured me that I was all he wanted or needed, and I got over my insecurity.
You can read more about that journey here.
I say all that to say I had convinced myself that I was not worthy of Ya'Seen's love because of his past.
Oh, but I was!
I think Tye Tribbett explained it best.
Check out this video.
My God! If that ain't a word for somebody!
Proverbs 31:10 says,
A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
No matter how bad I though I wasn't worthy of Ya'Seen's love, I was still valuable REGARDLESS!
Did you know that 1 karat of a ruby costs $15,000?
I was still worth MORE than that.
God still saw value in me.
God still saw me whole even though I felt broken!
God thought it not robbery to send a man to come along in my life and allow him to love me through my brokenness, love me through my healing, and patch up my wounds.
So if you're ever feeling unworthy as a wife, I encourage you to go back to Proverbs 31:10 and remember how MORE valuable you are to your husband.
If you want to learn more about the Proverbs 31 Woman, I have a free 14 day devotional and bible study. Click here to get it now.